Geplaatst: wo jul 06, 2005 10:08 pm
ole blackpool
:?: :?: :?: :!: :huh:fc utreg schreef:ole blackpool
Pagina 6 van 19
Geplaatst: wo jul 06, 2005 11:00 pm
Geplaatst: vr jul 08, 2005 12:26 am
A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He immediately turns to her and makes his move.
You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
You know," he says, "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?"
"Oh, I don't know," says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"
"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
Tragedy
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 8:51 am
I must warn the sensitive people that the following picture is really harsh, and can be shocking for a certain audience :
http://chardonbertrand.free.fr/NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!.jpg
http://chardonbertrand.free.fr/NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!.jpg
Re: Tragedy
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 9:25 am
That's a smashing picture!Carcajou schreef:I must warn the sensitive people that the following picture is really harsh, and can be shocking for a certain audience :
http://chardonbertrand.free.fr/NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!.jpg
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 10:29 am
see if i can remember how this one goes...
a guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. the barman turns to talk to him, then notices a huge stearing wheel in the guys pants. the barman asks
"Mate, did you know there's a stearing wheel in the front of your pants?"
The guys says
"Yep. It's driving me nuts!"
a guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. the barman turns to talk to him, then notices a huge stearing wheel in the guys pants. the barman asks
"Mate, did you know there's a stearing wheel in the front of your pants?"
The guys says
"Yep. It's driving me nuts!"
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 9:27 pm
Nice photo. Makes the point about don't drive with drink or you might spill some.
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 9:33 pm
Q-What do you get when you breed a donkey with an onion?
A-Most of the time just an ass with long ears, but now and then, a piece of ass that will make your eyes water. X'C
or
Q-How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A-Out of a catalogue.
A-Most of the time just an ass with long ears, but now and then, a piece of ass that will make your eyes water. X'C
or
Q-How does Michael Jackson pick his nose? A-Out of a catalogue.
Geplaatst: ma jul 11, 2005 9:33 pm
I thought it was one of those places in Africa where millions of baby-Grolsch crates try to cross the road every year in the breeding season...Blind3 schreef:Nice photo. Makes the point about don't drive with drink or you might spill some.
:D
K.
Cheers!
Geplaatst: di jul 12, 2005 8:32 am
Cheers, mate! Enjoy your sambuca!
And oh yeah: you are one thick bastard, did you know that? :D
http://www.sw33tn3ss.net/para/img/flaming_sambuca.gif
K.
And oh yeah: you are one thick bastard, did you know that? :D
http://www.sw33tn3ss.net/para/img/flaming_sambuca.gif
K.
Geplaatst: wo jul 13, 2005 7:03 am
Some years ago, a sultan who had six children, all
girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir.
Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and
heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you
want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have
my own airplane."
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father
bought him American Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I
shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father
bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life.
Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to
watch cartoons."
Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and
their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to
us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son, who was by now really into the Disney
cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey
Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father
bought him Feyenoord.
girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir.
Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and
heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you
want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have
my own airplane."
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father
bought him American Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I
shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father
bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life.
Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to
watch cartoons."
Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and
their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to
us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son, who was by now really into the Disney
cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey
Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father
bought him Feyenoord.
Geplaatst: wo jul 13, 2005 8:10 am
Boom Boom - I think I shall use that but might have to change the team ;)Over Pasanens Head schreef:Some years ago, a sultan who had six children, all
girls, began to despair as he had no son and heir.
Imagine his joy when one of his wives finally presented him with a son and
heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side and said, "Son, I am very proud of you. Anything you
want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to have
my own airplane."
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father
bought him American Airlines.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I
shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like a boat."
Not wanting to do anything halfway, his father
bought him The Princess Cruise Lines.
Just before his son's eighth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you bring so much happiness into my life.
Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to
watch cartoons."
Not wanting to look a cheapskate, his father bought him Disney Studios and
their theatres, where he watched all his favourite cartoons.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan
took him to one side. "Son, you are an inspiration to
us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you."
His son, who was by now really into the Disney
cartoons, replied, "Daddy, I would like a Mickey
Mouse outfit."
Not wanting to appear to be tight, his father
bought him Feyenoord.
Geplaatst: wo jul 13, 2005 5:19 pm
Sambuca boy gives new meaning to the term " Flaming Arsehole" and is , hands-down, my vote for Wanker of The Week. :xyxthumbs:
Geplaatst: do jul 14, 2005 9:28 am
Q: What's brown and hides in the attic?
A: The diarrhoea of Anne Frank.
A: The diarrhoea of Anne Frank.
sILLY jOKES
Geplaatst: zo jul 17, 2005 1:48 pm
The old ones are the best ones...or are they
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't come back?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Is a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't come back?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Is a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!
Geplaatst: di jul 19, 2005 7:27 pm
A cruise in the Pacific goes all wrong, the ship sinks, and there were
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.
They manage to swim to a small island. They lived there for a couple of
years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both
>Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
fter a while nature once more took its inevitable course...........
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they were doing. :pukey:
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Scroll down, you'll love it :D
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So they buried her!! :D :D :D
only 3 survivors; Damian, Darren and Deirdre.
They manage to swim to a small island. They lived there for a couple of
years doing what's natural for men and women to do.....
After several years of casual sex, all the time, Deirdre felt absolutely
horrible about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both
>Damian and Darren was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but Damian and Darren managed to get through it and,
fter a while nature once more took its inevitable course...........
Well, a couple more years went by and Damian and Darren began to feel
absolutely horrible about what they were doing. :pukey:
.
.
.
.
.
.
Scroll down, you'll love it :D
.
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
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So they buried her!! :D :D :D
Geplaatst: vr jul 29, 2005 11:12 am
A man goes into a sex shop to buy an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?" asks the assistant.
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"Black, please"
"Would you like a Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man. "What has
religion got to do with it? he asks.
"Well," explained the assistant,
"The Muslim one blows itself up..."
"Would you like male or female?" asks the assistant.
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"Black, please"
"Would you like a Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man. "What has
religion got to do with it? he asks.
"Well," explained the assistant,
"The Muslim one blows itself up..."
Geplaatst: ma aug 01, 2005 12:27 pm
Do u have guts or Balls
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."
Guts - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:
"Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"
Balls - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass
and having the balls to say, "You're next fatty."
Geplaatst: wo aug 03, 2005 8:20 pm
A lawyer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on an airplane. The lawyer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep, so he politely declines. The lawyer continues, saying that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I ask a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines, rolls over and tries to sleep.
The lawyer persists, saying that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I ask a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated yet gleefully compelled, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5; and if I don't know the answer, I pay you $500!" That gets the engineer's attention, so he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first questions. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer, knowing the distance changes over time and any answer would invoke a two hour dissertation from the lawyer as to why the answer was either not explicitly correct or generally inadmissible, doesn't say a word, and just hands the lawyer $5.
Now it's the engineer's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The lawyer looks at him with a puzzled statement, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references, calls three friends on his cell phone and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands the engineer $500. The engineer politely takes the money, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.
The lawyer, a little miffed, asks, "Well, what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the lawyer, turns away, and returns to sleep.
The lawyer persists, saying that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I ask a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated yet gleefully compelled, says, "O.K., if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5; and if I don't know the answer, I pay you $500!" That gets the engineer's attention, so he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first questions. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer, knowing the distance changes over time and any answer would invoke a two hour dissertation from the lawyer as to why the answer was either not explicitly correct or generally inadmissible, doesn't say a word, and just hands the lawyer $5.
Now it's the engineer's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The lawyer looks at him with a puzzled statement, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references, calls three friends on his cell phone and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands the engineer $500. The engineer politely takes the money, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.
The lawyer, a little miffed, asks, "Well, what's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the lawyer, turns away, and returns to sleep.
Geplaatst: wo aug 03, 2005 9:52 pm
Well that sounds f#cking dangerous for a start :D :D :DThe Purple Cow schreef:A lawyer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on an airplane.
The lawyer calls three friends on his cell phone
Geplaatst: do aug 04, 2005 5:44 am
A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot a duck off a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going into retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the US and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Texas Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old coot now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."
Geplaatst: do aug 04, 2005 9:08 am
Great Lawyer jokes - keep them coming
Geplaatst: do aug 04, 2005 1:17 pm
Q: What' black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?Over Pasanens Head schreef:Great Lawyer jokes - keep them coming
A: A doberman.
Geplaatst: wo aug 10, 2005 7:27 pm
Man 1 : Amsterdam is officially the best place ever
Man 2 : How stoned did you get?
Man 1 : As stoned as an adulterous Iranian woman
:D :D :D :D
To the mods, if you think it's not funn at all, just delete the post, I'd understand
Man 2 : How stoned did you get?
Man 1 : As stoned as an adulterous Iranian woman
:D :D :D :D
To the mods, if you think it's not funn at all, just delete the post, I'd understand
Geplaatst: do aug 11, 2005 12:49 am
A man walks into a Heavy Metal bar. Ouch.