The New Vak 425 Pathetic Joke Corner

[ajaxusa]

We used to publish an April Fools Day "story" on Ajax USA each year (more or less). I think this one was my favorite...

KNVB approves 'Hemp Turf' for Eredivisie games

[The Purple Cow]

[SPL]

Enjoyed the above Purple, even the wife laughed.

[Manneken Pis]

This shouldn't be funny, but it is....

Below is the link to a real radio interview;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVS9yNQFMag

For UK folks; it sounds just like an Alan Partridge episode (but real).

[SE6Ajacied]

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, 'I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll post you a cheque. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.' 'But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!'I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!'When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work..The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling, the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,'Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!'To which the parrot replied,'Get him Spike!'

[SE6Ajacied]

This shouldn't be funny, but it is....

Below is the link to a real radio interview;

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVS9yNQFMag

For UK folks; it sounds just like an Alan Partridge episode (but real).

lol, and possibly even funnier as I know his brother from work.......

[Kowalczyk]

"Thank you, goodnight, you were a great audience!"

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/526901/ ... iens_.html



K.

[Blind3]

THANKS KO !! Bret Michaels should've been dropped by his label years ago... to save music fans from the dreck that is Poison .

[The Purple Cow]

[Kowalczyk]

I'm sure you all know Danny Dyer's series of 'the real football factories', where he visits 'firms', yeah?

Now here's the real shit, folks: Danny Dire. In this episode he visits Sunderland...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBnW-hCS1RM



And here you go: Feltham!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfcnAvx7fc8

And here he goes international: to Wussia!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QbJ6Woj5hE

Fuck me... this is brilliant stuff.

"After the 1917 revolution, started by Trotski and John Lennon, Russia went left wing. And I ain't talking John Barnes - d'yer know what I'm sayin'? Russia has suffered some terrible tragedies, such as Pompeï and of course the great fire of London."

K.

[Jeroen126]

That walk

[SE6Ajacied]

You can't have too much security eh! Perhaps it's just me but this made me lol

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/linc ... 121586.stm

[afcajax73]

I saw a report today on Ajax having a disabled man with no legs arrested and removed from the stadium on one of its tours....

apparently he was arseing around

[ajaxusa]

OK this is no joke, but it's amusing still (and I can't find a general "interesting crap unrelated to Ajax" thread)...

Good news for us SF locals:

My Dutch Bike


Now I know what to get myself and my wife for our next anniversary. :-)

[martinkohout]

OK this is no joke, but it's amusing still (and I can't find a general "interesting crap unrelated to Ajax" thread)...

Good news for us SF locals:

My Dutch Bike


Now I know what to get myself and my wife for our next anniversary. :-)

As a native San Franciscan exiled in Texas, allow me to offer my heartiest congrats. Those prices are pretty aggressive, though, and the bikes look damn hefty - hard to imagine they'd be best suited to hilly S.F.

Simon Kuper, in Soccer Against the Enemy, writes of the celebration after the Oranje beat Germany in '88: "In the Leidseplein square, Amsterdammers threw bicycles (their own?) into the air and shouted, 'Hurray, we've got our bikes back!' The Germans, in the biggest bicycle theft in history, had confiscated all Dutch bikes during the Occupation."

If the airborne bikes in Amsterdam that night were anything like the ones on that website, I'm guessing the local hospitals saw a lot of concussions the next day (in addition to the hangovers).

[ajaxusa]

Those prices are pretty aggressive, though.

No shit! Wow. I hadn't checked the prices before posting my last comment. It'd be cheaper to go to NL and bring one back! In fact, maybe THAT's what we'll do for our anniversary. :-)

Thanks for the Kuper quote. Love it. :-)

[Manneken Pis]

This might just work .....


http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/595571/ ... _satc.html

[sgordo]

Received an SMS today which read " On BBC 1 Tonight, World cup preview... Except for viewers in Scotland, who will be shown the film 'Out Of Africa' "

[SE6Ajacied]

SEVEN KINDS OF SEX

Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.. * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex... * This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine,and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say 'screw you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex. * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
* You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.


PLEASE DO NOT REPLY TO TELL ME WHAT STAGE YOU ARE IN.

I have enough problems of my own

[ajaxusa]

Really needs no explanation. Takes 1:17 to watch.

Canal+

[SE6Ajacied]

Watch the guy in the background I think he's looking for a new job now....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1m8a4Jl4ZI

[The Purple Cow]

Q: How many music journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: It's a pretty obscure number. You probably haven't heard of it.

[SE6Ajacied]

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.

The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that inhabited the area. Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm fed up with being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten."

A large mysterious cod appeared and said, "Your wish is granted" and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark.

Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time passed (as it invariably does) and Justin found life as a shark boring and lonely. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight.

While swimming alone one day he saw the mysterious cod again and he thought perhaps the mysterious fish could change him back into a prawn.

He approached the cod and begged to be changed back, and, lo and behold, he found himself turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail.

Looking around the gathering at the reef he realized he couldn't see his old pal.

"Where's Christian?" he asked.

"He's at home, still distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy & became a shark", came the reply.

Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's abode. As he opened the coral gate memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted,"It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're now a shark, the enemy, and I'll not be tricked into being your dinner."

Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."

"I've found Cod. I'm a Prawn again, Christian!"

Sorry, I'll get my coat

[AsgAarD_xxx]

This is a text about Poland from french press ("Rothas"). I'm sorry for the mistakes, but I think you can understand this translation ;).
------------------------------
Poland - here we are in a world of absurdity. Country in which every
fifth resident lost his life during the Second World War, the fifth of the people living outside the country and in which every 3 resident is 20 years old.
Country brutally torn from the age-old traditions, which rebuilt its capital by Canaletto's paintings and the old city recreated as new.
The country, which is 2x more students than in France, and the engineer here earns less than the average worker. A country where a man appears more than twice the earnings, where the average salary does not exceed the price of three pairs of good shoes (!). Country, with its capital in the center of which stand the modern office buildings, offering rooms at 10 to 35 USD per meter. Country in which the price of a car is equal to three-year earnings, and yet it is difficult to find a place in the parking. Country where you can buy rugs, put parking meters and pay only 10% state tax on their profits. Country in which they were ruled by the Socialists and religious holidays are days off from work (!). Where to obtain a passport until recently was a problem, and despite that more than 3.5 million people a year go on holiday abroad. The only country of the former socialist bloc, in which a citizen may hold dollars, though he may not buy or sell them outside the banks and exchanges. Aliens must resign from any logic here, if you do not want to lose the ground under his feet. A strange country where you can talk with the waiter in English, in French with a chef, and the minister or any official only through an interpreter.

Poles! How do you do that?

[Blind3]

From Playboy magazine 5/2010 :

How is a woman like a condom? They both spend more time in your wallet that on your (use local euphemism for willie here) .